Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
