Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
