I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Are we still banned from the library?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
