oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
