Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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