Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize