She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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