why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
