So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
