paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize