shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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