Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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