how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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