No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
