I am puke
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
worst night to have a conscience
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
