Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
