I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
