Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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