I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
