He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
