I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
