Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
