im about as happy as oj after his trial
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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