there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
