Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
