Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
