wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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