a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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