You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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