i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
