Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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