Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
