So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
