guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
