I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
