The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
