need another drink. this is the easiest way
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
