it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
