apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
