What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
