I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
