how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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