...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
