are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm passing your future prison.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
