all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
