found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
