She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
