I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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