my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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