hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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