No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
