We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
