I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
