i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
