Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
