Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
