I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
