Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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