I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
