dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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