ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
